Disclaimer: to any Becky's out there - this honestly may or may not be about you
This blog post might be a bit scatterbrained (thanks, Becky) but just hang tight. My goal is to discuss insecurity issues and the journey to self-love and just not giving a fuck about mainstream society expectations.
First, I'd like to note that I am striving for this. I am still a long way away, but that is the inspiration. I'm in the process and this process is not one clear-cut journey that ends in complete self-love (so far).
Let's talk about reasons to not give a fuck:
Like Becky, don't strive to look good just to impress your man or "keep him satisfied". Always remember: Jay-Z cheated on Beyonce, so honestly - we're all fucked. If a man (or woman) is going to be unfaithful, as hard as it is, never blame yourself (unless you're the cheater, you little asshole). On that note, the act of cheating may stem from insecurity itself, and though it is no excuse - maybe try loving yourself before you start loving the rest of the village first.
Nothing will ever be good enough if you base it on every one else's standards. If Becky doesn't have time to fix her hair up, she still walks in with a smile. No time to match her clothes? She rocks the leopard print with stripes like no one else's business.
You will always need to be prettier, sexier, smarter, either more or less sensitive. You could pick apart your entire being and never be able to fit into one societal box. Focus on being the best version of you. What does that mean? Well, for one, if you are 5'3", thick, with brown eyes, quit striving to look like the scrawny, 6'1", blonde, blue-eyed model. Without extensive, and maybe impossible, surgery - it's not happening and that's okay.
If you are looking at other people to be inspired or motivated from, by all means, go for it. Make sure that you are trying to be the best you possible, instead of an imitation of someone else.
We all have a different genetic make-up. Becky could be 6'2", broad hips, green eyes, and a pointy nose. She could also be 5'3", thin, black eyes, and a button nose. Does any of that matter? Not to Becky.
Just like being tall or short, some of us are born wider vs. thinner. Even at my skinniest, my hips were still wide and I hated it. I could feel my bone, but because I wasn't a particular shape - I wasn't skinny enough. I didn't fit into that box (figurative) and I never will. And that's okay. Of course, I have to constantly tell myself this. I want to work hard at being healthier vs. "skinnier". Yes, I would love to bounce back to my pre-pregnancy body and hopefully I will. But, I would like to start doing it for myself in a positive way. I need to get rid of all of the ugly thoughts. The vocabulary needs to change.
A few years back, I sat through a conference presentation listening to the author of a book titled "Good Girls Don't Get Fat". I was heart-broken. I was ashamed of things I said about my body, or anyone else's. Does that mean I stopped saying negative things about my body, even jokingly? No. It takes much more careful intention to change an entire mindset. But it is important. I do not want my nieces or my son's hearing that kind of talk, especially when I'm talking about myself. That book discussed the damage of self-love among young girls because of the vocabulary we use regarding body shapes and weight. They hear us say these things and they grow up hearing that voice, those words, in their head.
Just this week I had a day where I was feeling shitty about myself, mainly my body. The only thing I could focus on was not being good enough. It consumes me when I get in those moods. I can only imagine that the majority of the people I know face the same issues.
If nothing else, I hope anyone reading this post gets a chance to reflect on not only who you are or who you are trying to become, but why. Why are you doing it?
Some tips I have that help me during my insecure moments in life:
Listen to uplifting music - J. Cole: Crooked Smile is definitely a favorite of mine
Truth Hurts, Tempo, and Good as Hell: basically anything by Lizzo
Write down a list of your accomplishments - it doesn't matter when these accomplishments have taken place (yesterday, last month, 5 years ago, whenever), just make sure that they are things that make your heart happy
Reach out - make sure you talk to people that make you laugh, keep good people in your company
On the flipside, take time for yourself and with yourself - what makes you feel good? Take a bubble bath (my fav), go for a walk, sit in nature, write in a journal, dance to your favorite music, etc.
I'm not quite Becky and I'm always looking for ways to improve my self-love, so any comments, concerns or questions, send them my way. I hope you enjoyed this post, miigwech for reading!