Why I may be considered a shitty homemaker/housewife and how I have started to accept and move past that statement.
My Story:
I became pregnant with my oldest son my first semester of college. I spent the rest of my college career being a mom. In the fall of 2015, I was hired at the ECC as a Home Base Teacher and I've maintained that job full-time throughout my schooling. I gave birth to my second son in August of 2018 and returned to classes four weeks later, determined to graduate that following spring. I went through all of the grueling responsibilities of school-work, work-work, and mom-life. I feel as if I constantly had my face in a book or computer. I included my children in whatever I was doing with school as much as possible, cuddling on the couch while completing my homework or bringing them to campus with me. I graduated for myself, but I pushed through all of the bullshit for them.
With all of that being said, I fell out of the expected "mom duties" *cringe at the thought of that concept*. The house was a mess and dinner was usually a last minute run to the store.
I just want to put a disclaimer right here: my kids have never gone hungry and my house has never been to the point where it was an unsafe environment.
I felt the pressure still, to keep up on housework, to plan meals, and to somehow budget all of this time effectively. I was failing. The harder I worked at it, the more miserable I was. I found myself constantly picking things up, cleaning the same surface over and over again, and never feeling good enough.
I spent all of my time going behind everyone to clean up their mess (including my own) that it started consuming the little time that I had at home with my family. I was doing everything and nothing all at once. I was filled with so much animosity towards my house and everything inside. I have two children and one significant other, but the way I felt, I was basically living in a zoo. I'm not going to lie, I cried a lot. I was miserable that I couldn't keep my house spotless, and that I couldn't keep up with this ridiculous standard.
So now what? I've come to the place in my life where if I don't find the time to meal-plan the entire week, month, or year, I'm okay with it. We'll still eat. If I don't wash, dry, and fold the laundry weekly, I'll get around to it eventually. If I don't pick up toys right after they are set down, it will be fine. If I start getting anxious about the mess, I've practiced: take a step back, take a breath, and put that effort into my children, whether it be playing on the floor, painting, or reading with them. I may not have the HGTV-worthy, picture-perfect household, but I'm content with focusing on being more present for my children and my partner.
This isn't a sob-story, or even an excuse to have a "lived-in" house, this is a message that anything that you can find to help your mental health - do it and don't let anyone else's standards or expectations influence you for the sake of your well-being.
Also, just to note - I do urge my children to clean up as they finish playing with something (more so my older son right now), as well as put their dishes in the sink when they are finished or help with various other daily chores around the house. I'm not wanting them to grow up not knowing any responsibility, this post is focused more of the constant dishes on the counter, the clean clothes in the basket, and the clutter on the shelves that can slowly drive a person crazy.
Any feedback, comments, questions, or concerns? Send them my way. Miigwech for reading!
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