Being angry doesn't make you hateful.
Being sad doesn't make you weak.
Voicing your frustration doesn't make you disrespectful.
We want to preach love and acceptance but won't take the time to appreciate the other emotions that it takes to get there. Yes. I'd say the goal is to love and accept - but do not confuse with the destination with the journey. Just because I "choose love" does not mean I don't have opinions that may conflict with others and it definitely does not mean that I can't express those opinions.
Every time I think about being a keyboard warrior when I see a conversation thread that I do not agree with, I ask myself two questions:
Will this be productive?
Will this be worth my energy?
So, instead of using my energy to argue direct statements, I find ways to voice my opinion by reposting, sharing, and writing in more non-direct ways. There are definitely issues in this world that deserve the passionate attention. Things will get heated. Frustration, disappointment, and being anxious will all be a part of this process. Expression and understanding, as well as regulation are key elements during these times. Don't shut down someone's feelings or claim that they should just "be positive". If you ever find yourself preaching at someone to "look on the bright side" (or whatever obnoxious phrase you choose to use), maybe a step back to think about your ability to do that in certain situations as privilege.
Recognizing and regulating feelings is such a theme for me this week. I feel as an Early Childhood Educator (or parent), it is something that is brought up often. Though we are pushed to shove the alphabet and number recognition down kids throats, I have always voiced that my biggest goal for early childhood (and humans, in general) is social-emotional regulation. I'm not saying don't teach your kids colors or the alphabet but mental and emotional health and wellness is definitely more my priority.
I've been looking for a "Mino Gigizheb" ("Good Morning") song that I can share daily. The song's that I have come across (both in Ojibwemowin and English) seem to only name one feeling. Example in a few of those songs it asks, "Aaniin ezhi-ayaayan?" ("How are you?") and instantly answers itself with, "Nimino-ayaa" ("I'm feeling well"). Now, in my opinion, teacher's that sing this song are not malicious and out to ignore the other feelings in the world. But, it may be one of those things that I notice and dwell upon because in my opinion, it's telling children that the only singable (perhaps, desirable) emotion is - feeling well. Again, I know teachers that sing these songs and are very in tune and accepting of all emotions - so am I saying that this song is the end-all of children emotional well-being? Heck no. It's one of those things that I think may go unnoticed until someone looks into the tiny (yet, mainstream) message.
Another thought: if you're passing someone you know in a hallway, or a store and they (or you) ask: "How are you doing?" or even a relaxed, "How's it going?" Would they be prepared to stop and listen to you express you feelings if you said more than just, "Good" or "Alright". This is such a passing concept, I'm sure it's happened to you multiple times (I've definitely asked as I'm practically sprinting by someone and at the time, I will admit, I definitely wasn't looking to stop and discuss any troubles they could have been having). So, to me, the expected answer to "How are you?" is as simple as, "Fine". Now again, I want to emphasize that if you do this it doesn't mean that you are a selfish person that really doesn't care about how someone is doing. But, I encourage you to think about how often you are using this question as a mere greeting, instead of an opportunity to let someone express their actual emotions. Do we always have time to sit there and let everyone evaluate their feelings to us? No, but being mindful of taking that time could be another goal. Instead of just assuming everyone is "fine".
We're not all doing well all of the time. So, I believe preaching love and happiness isn't always the answer. Permit yourself to feel anger. Allow yourself to feel disappointment and be upset. Embrace frustration and growth. Yes, it's amazing to be happy and it feels good to let go and love. But, this is not an only-emotion answer.
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