It has taken me a hot minute to sit down and write this post. After reading, you may understand why.
Three or so weeks ago, I decided to make what I thought was a slight change in my life. I have done things like it before. Every few months or so while I was in college, I would delete social media apps off of my phone (easy access = overuse, in my brain). I would do this for a few days to "recharge" my brain and shift it away from the mindless scrolling. I would challenge myself to how long I could go completely cut off social media and it never lasted too long because I would use it as contact purposes for work. Then, by no one's fault but my own - I would get sucked back into the plethora of social media.
How it all began:
Three weeks (give or take some days) ago, I was sitting on my couch at the end of the day. Dinner was over and cleaned up, the kids were playing, the house was a comfortable mess, and I was on my phone. Now, I will honestly say that I don't remember what app I was on, who's post it was, or what it was even about, but I remember that I stopped scrolling and this yucky feeling came over me. Do you ever get that? You're just casually going through the news feed and something makes you stop and hits you in a way that gives you an unpleasant feeling (this could include: frustration, anxiety, jealousy, etc.). Maybe you don't get that, but I seemed to have been feeling like that a lot more when I was engaging in the mindless scroll. I was trying to be a part of something, to feel included. The likes, the shares, the need for approval, it was all there. Anyway, I digress. That particular moment, that particular feeling, shook me. I put my phone down and I didn't pick it up again until I went to work the next day.
I have continued to do this on a nightly basis. I will get home, put my phone on the counter and unless there is something emergent (or a cute picture needs to be taken, but even then I will swipe over instead of unlocking my phone) I will not pick up my phone until the next day on my way to work. I went out a couple of nights since my challenge with myself began and I did have my phone. I took pictures, I shared some of my night on my Snapchat story or my Facebook feed, but even when I was on my phone and out, I found it so much easier to put down and leave it down. I didn't use it for a crutch when I wasn't being acknowledged or if I was feeling a bit introverted. If I felt that I needed to stay busy, I would get up and take a walk around to see if there was any new conversation that could be started - or if I was getting some social anxiety vibes, I would walk to the bathroom and take a breath until I felt that I could go back and "people" again. My goal is to be an interactive face again vs. just a profile picture.
I thought that cutting back on social media and being on my phone would be a lot more difficult. If you were to ask Alexander a few weeks ago what I do in my free time, he'd tell you that I spent a vast majority of my downtime sucked into the mindless scroll. What was I getting out of it? Intellectually - nothing, emotionally - nothing, and socially - not as much as I liked to think I was getting. The first few days that I decided this "challenge", I surrounded myself with crosswords, books, and board games. I thrive on chaos and I always felt that I needed to stay busy for my mental health. It sounds completely counter-productive and now I understand that I need boredom as well.
Quiet time for my brain has invited so many new possibilities. I find myself more creative, more engaged with the present and people around me, and more willing to take part in different opportunities. Now, I'm not saying that before three weeks ago I was a hermit shut up in my bedroom with Facebook and a bag of chips (most days), and I'm also not saying that I'm forever forth going to be the model socialized person that does all of the things and talks to all of the people. I am just noticing and evaluating a difference in how I feel and myself as a whole.
Quick little blurb on my feelings toward technology:
I agree with Olaf when he said that advancing technology is both our savor and our doom. There are many positives to technologies and how they are used. I am writing on an online blog, so I would be lying to say that I am completely against technology. But, it does scare me. I feel that tiny humans are being turned to robots. Maybe I'm over exaggerating and a lot of people might not agree with this but I do not, and will not, ever agree with children (especially 5 years old and younger) having access to endless amounts of technology. It's the world that we are living in though. Children are pushed into fast-paced and success-driven society and technology seems to be the perfect tool for that. My Mom Mind: When my children are with me, I do not allow screen time that takes form in tablet/iPad/phone. I have decided against using technology as a way to control behavior (handing them my phone so that they shut up) and in turn, they don't expect it since it was never an option. We watch movies and yes, I sometimes use movies/shows to get things done around the house, especially when it's cold and nasty out. But, what I envision for my children is a childhood. An interactive, slower-paced, nature-based childhood.
Now, saying all of that - does it make sense that, especially when I'm around my children, I am consistently engaging in the mindless scroll. No! Definitely not! Which made me even more of a stickler when I took time to re-evaluate my goals and everything that I want for myself and my children.
These are 100% my personal feelings and I always feel the need to put a disclaimer on them because I don't want anyone to think I'm going to scold or judge them for doing things I may or may not take part in. It's not in my nature and it's not in my place. But, if you are reading my blog, I believe you are at least 3% interested in what I have to say, so this is where I ask you to reach out to me to generate any further discussion on the topic. I am always interested in what people have to say, no matter what your stance is.
Miigwech for reading!